Lately I’ve been giving more thought into what I’m currently doing and why I’m doing it all.
Parts of me say I don’t know, and other parts of me are so certain about my work and why I can do it 365 days of the year.
If you’d ask me fore a reason, I wouldn’t be able to give just one.
For me, I want to be able to make young creatives take their craft seriously. I want to be able to be part of the cultural shift in Asian-Canadian identities. I want to be somebody who is able to say, yes I pursued my dreams. Yes, I built the projects and communities I wanted to build. Yes, I’m exhausted but full of energy at the same time.
I know I’m young. I’ve got time. I know I’ll figure it out. I’m just really excited to make the future-me proud.
There’s a kind of exhaustion that makes you feel like everything’s done. Nothing matters, because you’ve lost the care for what you do and now you’re just dragging everything along with you. It’s a heavy weight. This was me when it came to being a student in Chinese school, or when I had to memorize facts for a history exam, or when I was dragged into buying groceries with the family.
There’s another kind of exhaustion that is equally as tiring and taxing, but instead of emotionally draining it’s rewarding. This is when I get to write everyday before work, or when we get one more new customer at the restaurant who orders via instagram pictures, or when we finish another cohort at the Habit Factory.
When we’re at peak exhaustion, it’s worthwhile to recognize which kind of exhaustion we’re dealing with.